What is Grief?

Grief is a universal experience that affects everyone’s life.[1] Grief arises from losing something or someone deeply cherished, whether through death, separation, or significant life changes. This emotional loss transcends cultural, social, and personal boundaries, manifesting in a wide range of feelings from sorrow and confusion to anger and relief. Each person’s journey through grief is unique, but the impact of loss is a shared aspect of the human condition.

Navigating grief is a complex and often overwhelming emotional process that affects you on multiple levels. The emotional weight of losing something valuable can challenge your sense of normalcy and force you to confront the fragility of life. As you face these difficult emotions, it’s clear that while grief is intensely personal, it also connects us through our shared vulnerability with the collective experience of finding how to heal and comprehend the reality of loss.

How is Grief Defined?

Grief is a profound, complex emotional response to loss, typically associated with the death of a loved one.[2] However, it can also arise from other significant losses, such as the end of a relationship, a major life change, or a personal failure. It’s an intricate emotional process that encompasses a wide range of emotions, including sadness, denial, anger, guilt, confusion, and even relief.

At its core, grief is a natural human experience. It reflects our deep connections to the people, places, and things that shape our lives. The process of grieving allows people to come to terms with their loss, find meaning in their experiences, and eventually begin to heal.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s unique to each individual, and there’s no set timeline for how long it should last.[3] The process can be cyclical, with waves of grief coming and going, and it often evolves. Some may find comfort in spending time with family members and receiving support from others, through maintaining routines, or personal reflection, while others may need professional help to navigate their grief.

What are the Symptoms of Grief?

Grief looks different for each person, influenced by factors such as personal resilience, cultural background, and the nature of the loss. However, some common grief symptoms can include:[4]

• Emotional symptoms: Feelings of depression, anger, and confusion are typical, but grief can also bring moments of unexpected joy or relief. These can be confusing emotions and make you feel unbalanced.
• Physical symptoms: Grief can affect the body, leading to fatigue, changes in appetite like over-eating or under-eating, or sleep disturbances.
• Cognitive symptoms: Grieving can impair concentration, memory, and decision-making, often leaving you feeling disoriented and confused.
• Behavioral changes: You may withdraw from social interactions, experience changes in your daily routines, or find solace in activities you may have not had interest in before the loss.
• Social and relational effects: Grief can also strain relationships and affect your social interactions. You may find yourself withdrawing from friends and family or struggling to communicate your needs and emotions effectively. Conversely, you may seek increased social support and comfort from others.

How Long Does Grief and Loss Last?

The duration of grief and loss varies widely from person to person and is influenced by several factors, including the nature of the loss, personal coping mechanisms, and individual circumstances.[5] Grief is not a linear process with a fixed endpoint—it can be a long-term, evolving journey.

For some, the intensity of grief may diminish over time, but it can resurface periodically, especially during anniversaries, significant events, or moments of reflection. While some may find themselves feeling better within months, others might experience deep grief for years. There is no set timeline for how long grief should last; it is more about how one adjusts to their new reality and finds a new sense of normalcy.

Cultural norms and societal expectations can also play a role in shaping the grieving process. In some cultures, extended periods of mourning are common, while others may expect quicker resolution. Regardless of external expectations, it’s important to honor your feelings and seek support if needed.

If grief symptoms persist, get worse, or start to impact your daily life, it may be beneficial to reach out to a mental health professional for help.

What are the Seven Stages of Grief?

The seven stages of grief offer a framework for understanding the complex emotions that arise when dealing with loss:[6]

1. Shock or Disbelief: The initial reaction to loss often involves a sense of shock or disbelief. This stage is characterized by numbness and an inability to fully grasp the reality of the situation. It’s a protective response that helps you cope with the immediate impact of the loss.
2. Denial: As the shock begins to fade, denial may take its place. In this stage, you may struggle to accept the reality of the loss and may continue to believe that the event did not happen (or that it is not as significant as it truly is).
3. Anger: Anger often emerges as a powerful and intense emotion in response to the loss. This stage can involve frustration, resentment, or blame directed at oneself, others, or even the deceased. The anger may stem from feelings of helplessness or injustice.
4. Bargaining: In the bargaining stage, you may try to make deals or bargains to reverse or mitigate the loss. This can involve thoughts of “if only” or “what if” scenarios, where you attempt to negotiate to undo the loss or lessen its emotional impact.
5. Guilt: Guilt often follows bargaining, as you reflect on your action, or inaction, related to the loss. You may experience remorse for things you did or didn’t do, questioning whether you could have changed the outcome.
6. Depression: As the reality of the loss sets in, deep sadness and depression can take hold. This stage involves a profound sense of emptiness, loneliness, and despair. You may withdraw from others and struggle with feelings of hopelessness.
7. Acceptance and Hope: In the final stage, you find a sense of acceptance and hope. This does not mean that all feelings of grief are gone, but rather that you have come to terms with the loss and start to find ways to move forward.

These stages of grief are not rigid or prescriptive. You may experience them in different orders or revisit certain stages multiple times. Also, you may find yourself stuck in one stage or another for longer periods. An example would be exhibiting signs of absent grief by showing little to no signs of grieving in the beginning because you are still in the stage of shock or denial.

Are There Different Types of Grief?

There are various types of grief, each reflecting different experiences and responses to loss. Some common forms of grief include:[7]

Common Grief

This is the most common type, encompassing the range of emotions and reactions that follow a loss. It includes feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion, and it evolves as individuals adjust to their new reality. Initially, you may experience acute grief immediately after a loss.

Anticipatory Grief

This type occurs before the actual loss, often experienced by those caring for someone with a terminal illness or facing an impending significant change. Anticipatory grief involves mourning the loss before it happens, which can help you by gradually adjusting to the anticipated change.

Traumatic Grief

Typically, traumatic grief occurs after an abrupt or unanticipated loss. It differs from other types of grief because you are not expecting your loved one to pass from a chronic illness or old age. Losing a child or the sudden death of a loved one are traumatic events that can lead to further complications including prolonged grief disorder.

Complicated Grief

Also known as prolonged grief disorder or pathological grief, this type involves an intense and persistent mourning process that significantly impairs daily functioning. Those with complicated grief may have difficulty moving past the loss, experience severe emotional distress, or struggle with feelings of emptiness and hopelessness long after the loss.

Delayed Grief

In delayed grief, the emotional response to a loss is postponed. You may initially appear to cope well, but the full impact of the loss may surface later, sometimes triggered by another event or change. This delayed reaction can make the grieving process more challenging.

Disenfranchised Grief

Disenfranchised grief is a type of grief that is often unrecognized or invalidated by society. If the type of loss you’re grieving doesn’t fit within the current attitude about loss and death, it may feel as though others are minimizing your grief. Feeling unsupported and unable to openly mourn the loss of a pet, a friendship ending, a colleague passing, or grieving someone who’s still alive for example, can make it difficult to work through grief and perpetuate emotional pain.

Chronic Grief

Characterized by prolonged and persistent mourning, chronic grief can interfere with a person’s ability to return to normal life. Unlike common grief, which typically lessens over time, chronic grief persists without significant improvement, often requiring additional support or intervention.

Collective Grief

This type involves grief experienced by a community or group following a collective loss, such as a natural disaster, terrorist attack, or widespread tragedy. It reflects the shared mourning of a group affected by a significant event and often requires collective healing processes.

How to Cope with Grief

Coping with grief is a deeply personal journey, and your experience will be unique. However, several strategies can help you or a loved one find ways to heal:

• Allow yourself to grieve: Permit yourself to experience your emotions without judgment. Grieving is a natural response to loss, and it’s important to acknowledge and express your feelings. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, so honor your process.
• Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups. Talking about your loss with others who care can provide comfort and validation. Support groups, both in-person and online, can connect you with people who have experienced similar losses, offering a sense of understanding and community.
• Practice self-care: Take care of your physical and emotional well-being. This includes maintaining a balanced diet, getting regular exercise, and ensuring you get enough sleep. Engaging in activities that bring you joy or relaxation can also support your overall health.
• Accept your emotions: Grief often involves a wide range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and even moments of relief or joy. Accept that these feelings are all part of the grieving process and allow yourself the space to experience them fully.
• Establish a routine: Returning to a routine can provide a sense of normalcy and stability. It helps create structure and can offer a distraction from the pain of grief, if only temporarily.
• Set small goals: Focus on setting and achieving small, manageable goals. This can help create a sense of purpose and accomplishment, aiding in the gradual process of moving forward.
• Be patient with yourself: Grief does not have a set timeline, and healing is a gradual process. Be patient and allow yourself the time you need to adjust to your new reality. It’s normal to have good days and bad days.
• Find meaning: Over time, try to find meaning or purpose in the loss. This might involve reflecting on the positive aspects of the relationship or the lessons learned from the experience. Finding meaning can help in integrating the loss into your life in a meaningful way.

Treatment Options for Grief and Loss

Navigating the path through grief and loss can be challenging, and finding effective treatment options can provide crucial support in the healing process. Through methods like grief counseling, medications, support groups, and mental health treatment for grief, you can process the feelings and emotions that come along with grief and receive valuable support.

Grief Counseling

Grief counseling provides a safe and empathetic environment where you can explore your emotions and receive professional guidance. A trained grief counselor can help you understand and navigate the complex feelings associated with loss, such as sadness, anger, and guilt.

Counselors also offer coping strategies and tools to manage these emotions effectively. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a therapeutic approach that can be particularly beneficial, as CBT helps you address and reframe negative thought patterns, manage anxiety, and develop healthier ways to cope with the impact of grief.[8] Narrative Therapy, which focuses on storytelling and finding meaning, can also aid in integrating the loss into your life narrative.[9]

Medications

Medications can also be considered when grief significantly impacts daily functioning or leads to severe emotional distress. If you are experiencing intense depression or anxiety as a result of your grief, medications such as antidepressants can help manage symptoms and improve overall mood. Consult with a healthcare provider to discuss the benefits and potential side effects of these medications and to determine the most appropriate treatment plan.

Grief Support Group

Support groups offer another valuable option for coping with grief. These groups bring people together who have experienced similar losses, providing a shared space for mutual support and understanding.

Engaging in a support group can help you feel less isolated in your grief, offering comfort through shared experiences and collective empathy. Support groups may be available through local community centers, hospitals, or online platforms, catering to various types of loss and preferences for interaction. The sense of community and connection found in support groups is an amazing way to feel supported and understood through the healing journey.

Outpatient Mental Health Treatment

One-on-one counseling, medication, and support groups are all great ways to process grief and receive some additional support as you heal. Outpatient mental health treatment programs provide all of the above in addition to group therapy and case management sessions.

Whether in-person or online, mental health treatment creates a safe environment where you can express your feelings honestly, relate with other people, and see how they experience grief, as well as identify and get specific help with your grief responses on a regular basis.

Helping and Supporting Your Grief

Each treatment option for grief and loss offers unique benefits and can be used in combination to support healing. Finding the right combination can help individuals navigate their grief and begin the healing process of moving forward.

At Clear Behavioral Health, we understand how hard it is to lose someone or something important to you. Navigating grief on your own is difficult and confusing. We offer outpatient mental health programs and virtual IOP to help you through this challenging time.

Our mental health professionals, trained in grief counseling, will be with you every step of the way as you mourn and grieve your loss. If you or a loved one is struggling with grief and could use some additional support, contact Clear Behavioral Health today.

References:

1. Grief and Loss. (2019). Johns Hopkins Medicine. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/caregiving/grief-and-loss on August 19, 2024
2. Mayo Clinic. (2016, October 19). What is grief? Mayo Clinic. https://www.mayoclinic.org/patient-visitor-guide/support-groups/what-is-grief on August 19, 2024
3. Shear, M. K. (2012). Grief and mourning gone awry: pathway and course of complicated grief. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 14(2), 119. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3384440/ on August 19, 2024
4. Mughal, S., & Siddiqui, W. J. (2019). Grief Reaction. Nih.gov; StatPearls Publishing. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK507832/ on August 19, 2024
5. Coping With Grief and Loss. (2024, July 15). National Institute on Aging. https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/grief-and-mourning/coping-grief-and-loss on August 19, 2024
6. West, M. (2022, September 30). Stages of the grieving process: What they are, how long, how to cope. Www.medicalnewstoday.com. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grieving-process on August 19, 2024
7. Ernstmeyer, K., & Christman, E. (2021). Chapter 17 Grief and Loss. Www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov; Chippewa Valley Technical College. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK591827/ on August 19, 2024
8. Rosner, R., Bartl, H., Pfoh, G., Kotoučová, M., & Hagl, M. (2015). Efficacy of an integrative CBT for prolonged grief disorder: A long-term follow-up. Journal of Affective Disorders, 183, 106–112. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165032715002840 on August 19, 2024
9. Peri, T., Hasson-Ohayon, I., Garber, S., Tuval-Mashiach, R., & Boelen, P. A. (2016). Narrative reconstruction therapy for prolonged grief disorder—rationale and case study. European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 7(1), 30687. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4858499/ on August 19, 2024